Women in their 20s Want Everything Not just a Boyfriend
Lately I have been very interested in the issues people in their 20s have to face. Honestly, what makes someone who is in their 20s different than everyone else? This is the decade where people figure out who they want to be as adults. They have come out of the teenager stage of being confused, now they're reaching their full potential. I cannot help but refer back to the show Girls. This show is trying to show paths that people have to decide to take as they wiggle through their 20s. And although what is portrayed in the show is a certain kind of reality, it is still tackling the issues that we face at that point in life.
How are we suppose to get it together when people are constantly telling us how to be and what to do in our lives? Women in particular are told this continuously. Women need to get an education, then get a job, and finally settle down. The settling down part comes afterwards. What this article is saying is that women are told to not worry so much on relationships with men as much as getting up in the work world. In this world, women don't have the time for a good relationship with a man and should wait until they are older to find a stable relationship to raise kids and enter motherhood.
I don't want to be that woman. I want to have a relationship and enter the world with that person. Maybe this sounds too radical, but women shouldn't have to feel that they cannot enter a relationship.
This is where Girls comes in with spoilers of the first season. In the last episode of season one, Adam tells Hannah he loves her. Hannah is suddenly very shocked at this sudden fact presented to her. Her face reads, "How is this happening now?". Well Hannah it is. She tells him she didn't think him to be that kind of guy and explains to him that she wants to concentrate on that later on in life and not now because she, like most 20 something year olds, is trying to get her shit together and concentrate on her creative endeavors.
Now Hannah here has it all wrong. My definition of a good relationship is when two people, who most likely mix very well, come together and explore the world together. They are attached together with sturdy rubber band. This allows them to go off and discover new things, while still maintaining that bond. Not only do they expand, they go through life exploring and experiencing new things together. I see this with my parents. They have different interests, they do different things, but they go through life to experience new things such as raising two kids, paying bills, owning a dog for the first time, owning a house for the first time, etc... This is what I want for my relationship.
In the article, she makes a good point:
"Having a boyfriend in 2013 is not about making big-time sacrifices for him, it’s about weaving together a partnership that works for the both of you. Both of your needs have to be met, your passions supported, and your wants fulfilled. And once you have that, trust me, you will still want more."
And this is true. It's about making things work for yourself and as a couple.
Now relating this to my own current relationship... My boyfriend and I have discussed this since I've drawn him into the world of Girls (honestly all girls should watch the show with their boyfriends). We came to the conclusion that building a relationship with someone else is a journey; you support each other, you love each other and you take care of each other. Although you have this, you will as the quote above says "still want more". And its true. You will crave other things such as creative outlets and self-fulfillment. This also stems from the fact that humans are always desiring things. But what Hannah completely misses is that having a relationship is like having Susan Boyle on your butt like in Futurama; that person is riding life with you. If a relationship gets in the way of what you want in life for yourself, then that relationship probably is not helping you. In our conversation, I stated that "we're always looking for someone else, but we're also looking to do something for ourselves". This goes off the wants of a 20 something year old. We came to the conclusion that a good relationship is when "someone brings the best out of you". They help hone your talents and push you to do your best.
Cheers,
Claire Chong
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