What
does it mean to have a notebook? Is it like a diary? Why do people even keep
it? If there were a difference, it would be that one is less private than the
other. In Joan Didion’s short essay “On Keeping a Notebook”, Joan Didion
questions the necessity of a notebook. I agree with Didion’s statement that,
“keepers of private notebooks are a different breed altogether” (Didion 115). However,
it also occurred to me that the phrase “different breed” does not necessarily
apply to only people. The “different breed” can also refer to mediums people
use or the items people include capturing important information or memories.
Didion’s method was the notebook. We use these “different breeds” to express
ourselves because we need to find a way towards self-discovery.
I
don’t believe that a certain “breed” of people write in notebooks. I feel that
Didion’s statement is very self-centered. She clearly felt passionate about the
idea of writing in a notebook, almost obsessed with it, and even wrote an essay
about her passion. By stating that only a certain group of people did what she
did, she is disregarding the idea that people have different ways of “writing
in a notebook” just not with a notebook. They are not just “lonely and
resistant rearrangers of things…afflicted apparently at birth with some
presentiment of loss” (Didion 115). Although this comment on the people who
have “notebooks” seems very judgmental, she was trying to say that these people
don’t think like everyone else. However, when applying the quote to my
proposal, people’s individual “notebooks” are not like the notebooks of others;
the words and pictures carry different meaning, emotions and style. These
different ways allow people to uniquely differentiate themselves from others
and becoming their own selves.
Everyone
learns and memorizes differently. Didion’s way to remember was to have a lot of
notebooks and to keep one on her at all times. I propose that like our
different methods for learning, we use different ways to remember things. In
this modern society, we are graced with technology. Therefore there are other
ways to keep a “notebook” such as videos, photos, blogs, and social networks.
There is also the “Didion” way, which includes more rigors such as notebooks,
sketchbooks, and the arts. They all have some sort of creative direction that
allow people to express themselves.
An
example of a “notebook” is in Christopher Nolan’s mystery film Memento (2000). It is about a man named
Leonard Shelby who lost the ability to form long-term memories. The film is
about Shelby trying to find his wife’s killer. Throughout the film Shelby is
put into situations where he needs to remember important events crucial to the
uncovering of his wife’s killer. His way to recall things was to take a
Polaroid of everything important such as his hotel, car, and friends. Him
taking Polaroids in the film is like jotting down a memory in a notebook. They
provide clues for his “future” self to find the places or he has met. This is
similar to what Didion writes in her notebook. The little notes help remind
Didion and Shelby of what had possible happened to them at that moment.
However,
because of his extreme short-term memory, his methods of helping him were
flawed. His Polaroid “memories” were easily manipulated. It was easy for his
enemies to use his disability against him for their own interest. It was also
easy for Shelby to fool his “future” self. At the end of Memento, the man kills the only friend he has because he is finally
exposed to the truth at that moment. The truth uncovered shows him to be the
killer of his wife. But because of his short-term memory, he trusts what he
wrote on the Polaroid he took of his dead friend: he killed his wife’s killer.
Is there any truth in what we write in these “notebooks”? Like Shelby with his
wife’s “killer”, we are selective with what we put into our “notebooks”.
The
formation of new memories is crucial for any “normal notebook”. Shelby had no way
of forming new ones. The human brain is very selective about what it will
remember. If someone were to have a very bad experience, his or her brain would
push the memory into the subconscious so the person would not have to feel the
immediate pain. The mind chooses to feel the good. Therefore, anything that
requires the mind to recall an event or an idea is never truly accurate like
the selectivity of Shelby and his Polaroids. With our “notebooks” we choose
what to “publish” to our future selves. If someone were to look at what they
wrote two years ago, they wouldn’t be in the same mindset as they were when
they wrote it; they would have a harder time understanding the meaning behind
the ideas in the “notebook”. Didion supports this by saying that she has
“already lost touch with a couple of people (she) used to be” (Didion 119). These
past “people” are people Didion once was, who thought and acted differently than
she does now.
Although people are looking to
record and recall ideas and events that occurred to them, are they looking to
record the truth? I believe that people are trying to record and make sense of
the truth they once or still believe. I imagine that people do it so they can
“relive” the emotions they felt at the time of writing them. We desire to
remember our happiest and saddest moments. We also desire to remember how we
thought a certain memory occurred. Didion imagines “that the notebook is about
other people”, which explains how the content is written by someone the creator
used to be (Didion 166). It means that people have the need to remember who
they were and how they felt at certain given times. When a young woman looks at
the diary she wrote when she was a child, the child would have a more naïve
outlook on the world.
From taking Polaroids, writing in
notebooks, sketching and more, the methods of keeping information or memories
are used for one purpose only: self-discovery. We are all very self-driven. People
have the need to know who they are and who they will become. When people use
“notebooks”, they are making “horcruxes” of themselves; they are putting a bit
of whom they out there for their future self to see or for the world to see.
Sometimes people have the desire to make their work public. As good as it
sounds to share one’s wealth of information or feelings, there is no true
benefit.
When these attempts of self-discovery
are public, other people don’t necessarily understand. These efforts are like
Emily Dickenson’s poem of what a word means. Dickenson argues that “(a word)
just begins to live” when it is first said (Dickenson 4-5). Words have concrete
definitions, which are universally agreed upon. However, definition is
different than meaning and meaning isn’t something that can be universal. For
example, the word “love” has a universal definition, but what emotions and
memories it induces in people varies from person to person. Words in
Dickenson’s poem are like the notes in Didion’s notebook; both women are
arguing that meaning can vary from person to person. Each person may carry strong
emotions for specific words as they do for the content their “notebooks” carry.
Like these words, the content of
tableaus, essays, videos, notebooks, and etc. may carry different meaning to
the creator than the observer. Didion is the perfect example of content meaning
more to the creator when she repeats the note “Dirty crepe-de-Chine wrapper,
hotel bar, Wilmington RR, 9:45 a.m. August Monday Morning”. To a reader, this
statement would mean nothing. Why was that date and time so important that she
had to write it down? If she had not explained the significance or the memory
associated with the date mentioned, there would be no meaning. The only logical
reasoning of that date from an outsider would be it was a very important date
or it was just the beginning of something that should have been written.
I don’t think that people’s
“notebooks” should be exposed. It would be very frustrating if someone so
passionate about his or her “notebook” were to be criticized for the content or
misunderstood. I don’t see any meaning to show the world. Although I feel there
is no meaning, Didion puts meaning in sharing personal details. In writing her
essay, she brings up the point that any piece of notebook that is publicized
needs to be explained in simple universal terms that the public can understand.
Maybe there is some sense in showing everyone the accomplishments he or she has
made on the path to self-actualization and self-discovery. I believe that
people choose to publicize their “notebooks” because they need feedback. When
they get feedback from peers, they can realize what of them needs to be changed
and what is working for them. However, are we only doing this to reassure
ourselves that we have become the proper product of current society?
So do we need to return to our old
selves? I believe we should. It’s good for people to reflect on past events and
persons. Because of the need to feel accepted, reflection is the only way for
people to realize any errors they have made. Ingmar Bergman’s 1957 film Wild Strawberries looks into how
reflection allows someone to forgive themselves for the things they did in the
past. In the film, Isak Borg is on his way to an award ceremony with his
daughter who is estranged with his son. Along the journey he reflects on life
and the choices he made. This film did not use a tangible “notebook” as Didion
did. Instead the film uses dream sequences and voice-overs to present the thoughts
and memories of Borg. The film and the essay both acknowledge the people they
used to be.
Wild
Strawberries also touches on something that Didion does not directly.
Because of the reflective aspect of the film, Wild Strawberries is a representation of what people do with the
“notebooks” after they have finished. Years later, these people will look at
their “notebooks” and reflect on the mistakes they made and the goals that they
met. I believe that people need this as a reassurance that they had not made
any mistakes. We don’t want to know that we could have changed something, but
we still go look to see if we had. Didion does this by writing her essay On Writing a Notebook. When writing her
essay, she was essentially reflecting on why she wrote in notebooks in the
first place. Didion even states that her mother gave her a notebook and after
many years returned it to her. She says that the first entry revealed “a
certain predilection for the extreme which has dogged me into adult life”
(Didion 115). This bit of her helped her understand her need for a notebook.
Everyone needs a notebook. It may
not be the conventional notebook, but it will be used for the same purpose. The
film Memento is the perfect example of
an unconventional notebook. The Polaroids are used to bring some truth in
Leonard Shelby’s world. Because people have different point of views, there is
not one breed of people who write in notebooks. We all have the same need to
reach a point of self-actualization or self-discovery as everyone else. With
these notebooks, we can reassure ourselves that we are developing into who we
have always strived to become. Like in Wild
Strawberries, every type of “notebook”, whether it be mental or physical,
will help us reflect on our lives and the things we have done to get where we
are. Joan Didion exposed her way of expressing herself through her essay and
her own personal use of the notebook. People have distinct ways of expressing
themselves so it only makes sense that there are different “breeds of notebooks”.
*This is my entire essay on why people need "notebooks".
Cheers,
Claire
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