I do not think that people ever change. We look to find pieces of personalities that we think will help in the molding of who we want to become.
I know for a fact that I have not changed. Yes my perspective has changed and so have my number of experiences, but I'm no different. Lately I have been feeling uncertainty in what I'm trying to achieve and what I should actually achieve. I have my goals in college relatively set out: double in both Cinema Studies and Advertising, get internships, find things I'm passionate about, graduate. However what are these goals? I don't believe these goals are reflective of what I really want to do with my life. I feel like what I want to do with my life is completely unknown. When I tell people of my plans, the reaction I usually receive is "oh you seem to know what you want!"
This "knowing what you want" ideal is completely disregarding the uncertainties in life. People don't know what they want. They desire things, but never fully understand what they desire. I despise it when people question my plans with the majors I plan to pursue. Pursuing these areas doesn't necessarily mean that I will officially work in these areas. I may become someone totally different. On a side note, not everyone who is a Cinema Studies major will become a director. If you people knew me any better I am not that kind of person. People are forcing each other to decide. We all expect each other to know more than what we think we know. But in all honesty, I don't think people know what they want in life, period.
So besides having goals that are "tangible" per say, I don't know what I really want to do. I feel like all this goal making is just a way to formulate an excuse to people when I'm asked the dreaded question of life. I feel like I have not completely been myself lately. I say this because for the longest time, I was the most pessimistic child/teenager/young adult ever and I was always sad. Everything made me sad. However I got over it when Winter Term came around. I don't know why, but something changed. I like to say I was enlightened and decided to take my happiness into my own hands. I listened to music, I hung out with the girls in my hall, and I made sure I was obsessed over an inanimate object.
From all of that, I have suddenly become a ray of sunshine. I have a boyfriend now, I have good grades now, and I love my two college best friends, Allie and Karissa. I have never been so satisfied with my life and I feel creative all over again. I don't know if I will ever go back to be constantly sad. I hope I don't. I hurt people in the past because I was scared. I'm still scared, but I'm not scared of people not really accepting me.
Accepting yourself is the way to true happiness. Never rely on someone else. If you were to rely on someone else, it would be like letting someone do whatever they wanted to with your body. As gruesome and unpleasant as it sounds, that is a simile.
Cheers,
Claire
I know for a fact that I have not changed. Yes my perspective has changed and so have my number of experiences, but I'm no different. Lately I have been feeling uncertainty in what I'm trying to achieve and what I should actually achieve. I have my goals in college relatively set out: double in both Cinema Studies and Advertising, get internships, find things I'm passionate about, graduate. However what are these goals? I don't believe these goals are reflective of what I really want to do with my life. I feel like what I want to do with my life is completely unknown. When I tell people of my plans, the reaction I usually receive is "oh you seem to know what you want!"
This "knowing what you want" ideal is completely disregarding the uncertainties in life. People don't know what they want. They desire things, but never fully understand what they desire. I despise it when people question my plans with the majors I plan to pursue. Pursuing these areas doesn't necessarily mean that I will officially work in these areas. I may become someone totally different. On a side note, not everyone who is a Cinema Studies major will become a director. If you people knew me any better I am not that kind of person. People are forcing each other to decide. We all expect each other to know more than what we think we know. But in all honesty, I don't think people know what they want in life, period.
So besides having goals that are "tangible" per say, I don't know what I really want to do. I feel like all this goal making is just a way to formulate an excuse to people when I'm asked the dreaded question of life. I feel like I have not completely been myself lately. I say this because for the longest time, I was the most pessimistic child/teenager/young adult ever and I was always sad. Everything made me sad. However I got over it when Winter Term came around. I don't know why, but something changed. I like to say I was enlightened and decided to take my happiness into my own hands. I listened to music, I hung out with the girls in my hall, and I made sure I was obsessed over an inanimate object.
From all of that, I have suddenly become a ray of sunshine. I have a boyfriend now, I have good grades now, and I love my two college best friends, Allie and Karissa. I have never been so satisfied with my life and I feel creative all over again. I don't know if I will ever go back to be constantly sad. I hope I don't. I hurt people in the past because I was scared. I'm still scared, but I'm not scared of people not really accepting me.
Accepting yourself is the way to true happiness. Never rely on someone else. If you were to rely on someone else, it would be like letting someone do whatever they wanted to with your body. As gruesome and unpleasant as it sounds, that is a simile.
Cheers,
Claire
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